To be clear, this is NOT a "Hey, I'm back!" post.... Would that it were...
This is a "Don't worry about me, I'm still alive and kicking" post.
Apologies are warranted, and needed for my unexplained absence, but I am at a loss how to even begin. I AM sorry for leaving so abruptly with no explanation, but I doubt any explanation I can give will ever be good enough.
In a nutshell, I kept TRYING to find new ways for inspiration, and failed miserably.
About 1/4 of the way into creating some kind of tutorial on making an animated caption, I had an epiphany, or maybe just a moment of clarity. I was never going to "get" from creating and posting captions what I wanted and needed. I have a hole in my heart, in my soul, and this is NOT filling it, only mildly alleviating the symptoms, albeit temporarily.
All of my relationships within the TG Caption and general TG community are unequal. I approach every one of them, even my relationship with "fans" of my Blog as an inferior, desperately seeking approval and acceptance. It's a personality flaw. I'm that really needy kid, desperately trying too hard to get accepted into the "cool kids" clique. It'll never happen, because deep down inside I am convinced I don't belong there. Even on the off-chance that I was accepted, I would never FEEL that way, and be constantly plagued by self-doubt.
It's what us older people used to call an "inferiority complex".... I don't know what you kids call it these days :)
On the one hand, I LOGICALLY know that many of my captions are well done... Well written and presented. On the other hand, I know of many caption creators that make a lot of work vastly superior to mine. It makes my work seem futile.
That, coupled with my belief that there really aren't any new stories, only new pictures, I find incredibly demoralizing. My "method" has always been that I see a pic, and the story is more or less clear to me from the beginning. It's almost a matter of just dictating it, and tweaking it to fit into the available space. Unfortunately, these days I still get that "completed story" feeling looking at a lot of pictures, but I KNOW that the story I am seeing it not really original or unique in any significant way. Basically, I have "been there, done that"....
The bottom line is, I don't know, and largely don't CARE if I'll ever create another caption in my life. The mojo, and my "muse" are just gone.
The only reason I'm writing this is for the small group of people, and you know who you are, that I corresponded with, in and outside of this blog. I am alive, and well, at least physically, and I feel bad that I have left you hanging. I wish you all the best... On your your captions, on your Blogs, and on your lives. I wish you HAPPINESS :)
/hugs
Britney
This is a "Don't worry about me, I'm still alive and kicking" post.
Apologies are warranted, and needed for my unexplained absence, but I am at a loss how to even begin. I AM sorry for leaving so abruptly with no explanation, but I doubt any explanation I can give will ever be good enough.
In a nutshell, I kept TRYING to find new ways for inspiration, and failed miserably.
About 1/4 of the way into creating some kind of tutorial on making an animated caption, I had an epiphany, or maybe just a moment of clarity. I was never going to "get" from creating and posting captions what I wanted and needed. I have a hole in my heart, in my soul, and this is NOT filling it, only mildly alleviating the symptoms, albeit temporarily.
All of my relationships within the TG Caption and general TG community are unequal. I approach every one of them, even my relationship with "fans" of my Blog as an inferior, desperately seeking approval and acceptance. It's a personality flaw. I'm that really needy kid, desperately trying too hard to get accepted into the "cool kids" clique. It'll never happen, because deep down inside I am convinced I don't belong there. Even on the off-chance that I was accepted, I would never FEEL that way, and be constantly plagued by self-doubt.
It's what us older people used to call an "inferiority complex".... I don't know what you kids call it these days :)
On the one hand, I LOGICALLY know that many of my captions are well done... Well written and presented. On the other hand, I know of many caption creators that make a lot of work vastly superior to mine. It makes my work seem futile.
That, coupled with my belief that there really aren't any new stories, only new pictures, I find incredibly demoralizing. My "method" has always been that I see a pic, and the story is more or less clear to me from the beginning. It's almost a matter of just dictating it, and tweaking it to fit into the available space. Unfortunately, these days I still get that "completed story" feeling looking at a lot of pictures, but I KNOW that the story I am seeing it not really original or unique in any significant way. Basically, I have "been there, done that"....
The bottom line is, I don't know, and largely don't CARE if I'll ever create another caption in my life. The mojo, and my "muse" are just gone.
The only reason I'm writing this is for the small group of people, and you know who you are, that I corresponded with, in and outside of this blog. I am alive, and well, at least physically, and I feel bad that I have left you hanging. I wish you all the best... On your your captions, on your Blogs, and on your lives. I wish you HAPPINESS :)
/hugs
Britney